Death, time travel, dolphins and June bugs

Several things.

Last night I looked in the mirror. A single long silver hair twinkled back at me. Then I saw my death. It wasn't the noble death I've hoped for; a death of my own choosing. It was a lonely, sad death. I saw the flesh rot from my skull. Only my eyes remained - blackened and shrived.

I watched Doctor Who after studying last night. I'm about half way through the Matt Smith episodes. Of all the super heroes I've seen over the years the Doctor is the one I identify best with. In this episode, Amy Pond - one of his companions - gets trapped in a different time stream than the Doctor. He is unable to find her until 36 years in the future. At the end they must choose which Amy to save - the young Amy who is first lost in the time stream or the later Amy who has been trapped there for 36 years. The later Amy does not want to give herself up for the younger Amy because it will mean that she will have never existed. So it made me think "if I could go back in time, even if it meant giving all all the experiences I've had until that point, and the version of myself that I currently am would never have existed?" Perhaps it's pessimistic, but I think I would. I can't think of anything so overwhelmingly good that's happened to me that I wouldn't go back if I had the chance. But when would I go to? That I couldn't decide upon.

Staring out of the window I saw a dolphin jump out of the river behind out house. At first I wasn't sure of what I saw. A black-grey thing came out of the water and glided back in a crescent shape. But then it came out again and I was sure. I ran outside, onto the pier, and sat down. But it didn't come up again.

Looking out of that same window, right now, there are literally hundreds, if not thousands, of June bugs swarming, flying whimsically mere inches off the ground. It's been like this for several days. Every couple of minutes one will fly into the window and bounce off. There are cicadas and dragon flies too.

Scrambled Eggs

Yesterday was a pretty bad day. It was on the list of worst days I've lived through. It was up there with first day of highschool, the day I decided to drop out of med school and the end of the semester spring before last. I've still not recovered from it. If I let myself I could stare at a wall all day and not even notice. I've cracked before, but never so thoroughly as this. I can barely articulate what's going on in my mind right now.

Letting the inner weaboo out

Been obsessed with Japanese music lately. In another life I'm sure I was a kabuki singer. I've always loved that style. One thing I've learned is that "timing" in Japanese music is done not by counts, but by breathing. That's why is sounds out of time by people who are not familiar with it. Think I'm going to dig pretty deep into Enka, a rather melodramatic form of popular music from the 1950s through the 1970s. Examples! OK back to studying

Takashi Hosokawa


Meiko Kaji

reaccuring dream

Maybe in addition to the other things I write about on here I should also use it as a dream journal? I have pretty vivid dreams. In a dream last night I had a daughter. This is a fairly regular theme. Normally they have dark-red and curly hair. They are also always daughters. I think these are strange concepts to reoccur. The daughters-only thing makes sense - it's God's revenge for all the terrible things I've thought, did or wanted to do to other men's daughters over the years. The curly red hair doesn't. I personally probably do not possess the genes necessary to produce red-haired children, and am not likely to reproduce with a woman who does either. So it's odd. Also, it's not ginger-red, but a dark-red. So anyway, me and my daughter - who is a newborn in this dream - and my whole family are taking an old wooden boat to the Arctic. We've decided to move there. There are shark monsters looking for us and we are trying to be quiet. At one point the sharks try to board out ship - covered in melting snow - but can't find us because we're locked in the hibernation chambers in a secret part of the ship. I'm on lookout for the sharks, and when they leave I go down to the chamber, pick up my daughter . . . and she throws up on me! The dream gets hazy from there...

long division

A few minutes ago I had a conversation about the evolution of my musical tastes. This "equation" just came to mind. Undoubedly there's a lot in the middle, but I tried to hit he big songs, the songs I remember liking in particular and in the style I mainly listened to.

[(early 1980s: Hank Williams - I Saw the Light) + (late 1980s: Beach Boys - Surfin' USA) + (early 1990s: Public Enemy - Can't Truss It) + (mid 1990's: Smashing Pumpkins - Today) + (mid-late 1990s: Fugazi - Bed for the Scraping) + (very late 1990s/early 2000s: ATB 9pm - Till I Come) + (mid 1990s/early-mid-late 2000s/always: Radiohead - 2 + 2 = 5) + (mid-late-2000s: Zero 7 - In the Waiting Line) + (early 2010s: Flying Lotus - Do the Astral Plane) = Me

i forgot

whilst posting the best few albums I've discovered in the last semester I somehow forgot two, one serious and the other silly.



PJ Harvey - Let England Shake

Dare I say she's the female Thom Yorke. Ms. Harvey's talent is pretty amazing. It's actually the first "guitar album" I've liked in a long while. I really like this album too. No, I love it. Every song on this album is stellar, as is the writing, lyrics, and arrangements. Speaking of lyrics, there are a few weirdly patriotic songs on here. It's almost uncomfortable? This I learned from referencing one of her lyrics: the word "corn" doesn't always refer to the yellow stuff also called maize. The term is generic for whatever staple crop comes from a certain area. So if they grow barley in Essex and rye in Northumberland, barley and rye are the "corn" from those areas, respectively. Neat. Taking your problems to the UN sometimes works....



La Roux - La Roux

Mainly a cheesy synth-pop album. Kinda "lesbianic" her schtick is gender ambiguity. Just good old fashioned major key radio friendly fare. That's OK sometimes. I discovered her because a DJ I like - Boy 8-bit - remixed one of her songs. Apparently she's fairly popular because I've heard her single a few times here and there. Bulletproof... I wish I was.

dollar bills

I wish I was rich. That way I could do lots of awesome things, help people and make them happy. This is the fantasy stuck in my head as I work right now.