14 Candles

14. That's too many right? I know it depends on age, but that seems like a lot. It's way too many for me. Apparently, the national lifetime average for women is 4... 14 at age 23... It made me feel like a huge jerk, but I think I'm right. It's a shame though. Haven't met someone I could carry on a 5 hour phone conversation with in a really long time. Literally, from 1am to 6am... But that's a lifestyle I'm not interested in being a part of. I had a conversation once, I felt like a jerk then too, actually, I was a jerk then. I said, "whatever, it's just physical". Nearly in tears she replied, "That is horrible. How could you have sex with someone you don't care about". That's probably a paraphrase, but I did almost make her cry, I can still remember her brow furrowed and temples quivering. I know I was a jerk because I didn't mean what I said, and was just trying to get a reaction. I felt bad for it. She's right too. Sex with a multiple partners is not appealing. The emotional connection is as important as the physical... and honestly, the older I get the more I realise that it's the most important thing. Something about monogamy draws me. Even if there were no repercussions, I'd rather just have sex with one person over and over than as many women as I could possibly want. But I don't want to seem judgmental about it. I'm not saying that I'm right and others are wrong. I'm not saying that I prefer monogamy for moral reasons either. If others choose to have a more promiscuous lifestyle, that's fine, it's just not what I want for myself. I want emotional connection, and I don't really think you can do that if you have a lot of sexual partners. But not that I'm "perfect". I have had sex with multiple people, but I've always tried to do it with emotional connection. So I rejected who seemed to be a very nice girl solely because she had had sex with what was to me to be way too many people. When she told me I was dumbfounded... it was not something I was expecting... I was shocked into silence. I didn't say anything disparaging, and the next day I tried to end things nicely and not judgmentally. Intellectually, I don't think I'm a jerk for it, but I still feel like it.