A rush of blood away from the head

OK so I figured it out. I've been mixing intentions from this blog and my other Cloud Mind Data Dump. The other was/is supposed to be the boring accounts of my day, "I woke up and did this and that". This was was supposed to be the gambolling thoughts and feeling inside my mind. But since I got sick they became the same. I guess it's because sickness has a tendency to merge the emotional and factual aspects of my mind. Even before I got sick I've been feeling more emotional than I normally do - although being sick has heightened it. I think it's because Christmas break was so stressful for me. It made me realise that I have no one I can express myself to, no one who understands me enough, no one who cares enough, and no one I trust enough to be able to express the range of my emotional self. So I do it here. Maybe the internet will become a vast conscious mind, but it isn't and no matter how much I wanted it to be so or pretend that it is I can't actually live entirely online. But i have no material outlet. So I feel bottled up, the breadth of my emotion distilled as concentrated liquid pigment into tiny glass phials.